The Boi had moved. To somewhere new, and hopefully, somewhere better. Here was his last words before he went away:
Been a really long time ehx? August 2003.. all the way to November 2005. That's 27 months. Argh. I'm old.
Tomorrow is the start of December. =) 2 great things happening tomorrow so far,
1) Watching Chicken Little!
2) Neopets Advent Caldender Starts. Freebies!
And i'm going to add one more now:
The starting of my new blog! Rachael (erhx-hemx) helped me with the design which i think is extremely loving... so yea, thx rach!
Well, for this blog which had accompanied me through all these months, it's time to say goodbye. =) I won't delete it, I think. The bond is too strong. hey! I wrote like 300 odd of entries.. from happy ones.. to suicidal.. and angsty.. pure bitching.. and lotsa daily mundanes and randomness. Argh. Now i'm really gonna miss it.
But it's really time to move on, dude.
One month to 2006, One month to something new. =)
And hence, a new blog. I will really try not to write any suicidal entries.. or gloomy ones... or those that are masked by Unknown Identities or simply, in codes. No more of that, I promise. I MEAN, i try to promise. wait. wrong. I promise to try. yeah. lolx.
come and visit!
So, find him again. He's waiting there.
Closing of a chapter, is another's opening. How true. See you guys at my scrapbook!
love, and lotsa love,
yeek
[last entry at badboi]
time: 6:44 PM
the end of the thread...;
我的天空今天有点灰
我的心是落叶的季节
我不知道如何度过今夜
所有的灯早已经熄灭
But it's this imperfect perfection that I like.
应该放晴的天气 还下雨
别这样下去
我难过
但是说不错口
Because in my eyes, it will always be perfect.
月桂树飘香
那夜风变月光
我的爱
很不一样
So even when it's time to wake up...
星空下有温柔的微风
我疲惫的心又开始有梦
再也没离开过
忍着寂寞
穿越最荒凉的沙漠
I will still go to the mountains and ask the sky... Where's my future?
灿烂的一颗星星
一生也亮晶晶
因为夜归的背影
有了我的指引
勇气
就在你手心
And I know I will get over it.
如果这是生命的尽头
我会微笑着接受
Still, I will have to thank you.
谢谢你教会我 爱需要两颗心
谢谢你示范了 什么人该放弃
谢谢你提醒我 痛会唤醒勇气
time: 7:31 PM
the end of the thread...;
Whatever. I'm just stupid to tell people not to fight the impossible, but in the end I tried the impossible and ahha. got three tight slaps from it. Adidas, if i ever buy your stuff, i will chop my heads. Only adidas item i own: VJC soccer tee. that's because it's sponsored by it right? -doesn't count-
It's just a bad day. And i must say i'm damn proud that i did not leave the OGL meeting after lunch. moreover, i think i did behave.. 'normally' right?
hai. what can i say? alot, but nothing can really come out well now.
thank goodness, in such dark times, there's two always-chirpy girls who i love very much: munny and shar. =) hahah thx girls, for lending me your shoulders. no tears, but e session was great. thank you SOOOO much! *hugss*
and now, i shall just cheer myself up by watching Project Runway now. Sadly, today's special is designing the silliest clothes ever: Wedding Gowns.
after that, probably i will just cry myself to sleep. haix.
Avoiding is the best policy yet.
time: 9:46 PM
the end of the thread...;
anyway. Goblet of Fire aint that fantastic. trust i-weekly to give it four stars. then again, i doubt there's some professional movie critics working there. FIRST, on the other hand gave it 2.5 or 3... and MSN gave it 1.5. LOL. now, i will agree on the latter few. haha. wasted larhx. really.. it's the best book for me so far... and tsk. a lot of things were cut off... fine. at least cedric still appears quite a lot of times. and fleur too. hehe. did i mention, krum is such a bulldog. my gawd. and rita skeeter (whatever you spell it) is lovely. hehehx. just a harry potter movie without any quidditch matches is truly disappointing. AND. the third task is SO boring. i thought there's MONSTERS in it. supposedly. and a sphinx? wahiewx. turned it into some tornadoes and weeping willow-like hedges aint too fun already.
sadly, book 5 is a boring book. so i guess the movie gonna be boring. =X and cedric, viktor and fleur are not gonna appear anymore. SIAN. and pee-lee-pin cho still has 2 movies to go. sianx. alright whatever. aint really a big fan of harry potter movies... the books, yes.. but not the movies. lol.
i'm a big fan of X-Men though. LOL. i love them. mutant powers are so much cooler than wand-waving and it's one of the movie where many action heroes are fighting together. unlike batman, spiderman and ew, superman returns, where there's only one SuperHero. that's boring la. imagine how cool to see superheroes together and trash the shit out of their nemesis. hehehx. AND AND x-men III (i hope) will have Phoenix. Telekinesis, Telepathy AND Fire. hAHhAHAx. who can be hotter than that? oh. of course, there's one. [One who is not hot as the world claims it, but in my eyes, man. Way too hot!!]
goodness my dad actually forces my to read San Guo Yan Yi (it's a classic chinese lit text.. i think) by 7th Dec or i won't have any pocket money to spend in HongKong. wahseh. that's bitchy larhx. i'm not surprised where i get my genes from now. AND, that blardy version he wants me to read.. is in those chim, very cheena, almost unreadable language larhx. i mean i DON'T HATE chinese (in fact, i love it!) just that i can't do chim chinese language.. in 12 days still. WHAT THE. and money's at stake. nooooooooo noooooooo noooo!! manx, i should have befriended such power PRC 'scholars' and not just laugh and generalise that all PRC people can do cool martial arts. *sob damn. i've timed myself already. i read the first chapter, the thinniest, about 8 pages.. and it took me 20mins. LOL. there's 910 pages in that goddamn book. you can do the math yourself huh... (that's because i can't do it myself.. LOL)
SIAN. i'm really dead. lofty probably somewhere in spain or south africa and still he wants to read my DS script. =X i've no idea in my head now. tsk. first time i'm actually stressed out in my holiday. madness.
whatever. whatever. i'm off now to rot.
Even there's a love (but tragic) story in ancient Greek tales... maybe Boy B is really wrong after all.
time: 7:14 PM
the end of the thread...;
today was great. alright. maybe not that great. but i like it. first time in weeks i played neopets, X-Men II, had a nap, went out to get a CD, came home for a LONG phone chat with ling and still listened to the new CD. it's plain, really. but i've longed for such a break for so long that when it finally came, i thought it was fantastic. hahahax.
ok. neopets was childish. but HEY! who says it's restricted to kids only? =) wow, but X-Men II is good. Both X-Men and Brotherhood are working together for a greater cause. yeah yeah. and players can choose to use characters from both side. haha but i chose to use Rogue, Gambit, Jean Gray and Storm (alternating Iceman sometimes) which is a pure X-Men team. Aiya Brotherhood members are so disgusting. they're truly mutated. Sabretooth (can't use in PS, but still) and TOAD (EEEW). Scarlet Witch is not bad if not (and sexy) if not for low strike power. if only Mystique is available. Or Lady Deathstrike (though she's not a member of Brotherhood) LOL. =) ok. whatever.
bought S.H.E CD... Once upon a time sounds good. hahaha. more ballards, especially very heart-wrenching ones. i need them. i don't really like hip-hop numbers though. it's... weird. lol.
ok whatever. i'm off to sleep now. blearghx. what's the hell wrong with my tag-board. it's unreadable. DOWN FOR FOUR DAYS ALREADY. wth. wth!!!
and how can i emphasize this:
I hate losing to that ugly bitch. I really do.
time: 11:45 PM
the end of the thread...;
Sorry is way too overrated.
precisely. i really wonder why people say it. it's almost a formality. eg. when you bump into someone on the train.. "sorry". when you accidentally step on the foot of another person.. "sorry". when you drop the entire stack of F-Maths worksheets in front of your whole class.. "sorry".
now think about these scenarios. when you bump into a wall... when you have to walk out of the way and step on the grass patch... when you accidentally drop the entire stack of Physics-S worksheets along the corridor and there's no one around.
Will you say "sorry"?
i doubt so. "sorry" only comes when people or, humans are involved. and because of the vast numbers of these creatures, we seem to be always saying "sorry" even for the most trivial things. Eg, dropping the entire stack of Bio-S worksheets on the floor.
and so, when the real and serious stuff comes, we also use "sorry". Eg. losing the entire stack of Chem-S worksheets of your class or, letting in a really easy and really weak penalty shoot or even, injuring someone. (be it physically, emotionally, or mentally)
when you injured someone real bad (by accident), (1), you would feel damn bad. (2) and seeing more blood dripping down, you felt worse. (3) But he kept saying "It's ok", as if it's a standard reply to the statment "Sorry...", and so you felt like you gonna die of guilt and probably the worst feeling you ever felt. =X
AND you had no choice but to wonder.. "Is he really ok?"... "Is my apology not enough?"... sorry, sorry, sorry. Damn. Yet, you could only physically support him and made sure he could still walk... And even if you continued with your streak of "sorry"s... the guilt didn't seem to wanna go away. But you couldn't help but noticing the amount of blood dripping down. Feeling bad enough already, but you are immersely terrified of blood.
AND SORRY DOESN'T HELP! you had said it so many times in 20mins, and all you got back were "It's Ok.", "I'm fine, really." and "Don't worry. It's not your fault." But aint you the one who pushed him in the first place? Anyway, you were just helpless while both of you walked to First Aid... him, in pain. You were tired of saying "sorry", and you had a feeling maybe he's tired of hearing it too. But there's absolutely nothing else to say already. If only you could relieve him of the pain? But what could you do? You aint St John. AND SORRY DOESN'T HELP! It's not some magic pill or miracle formula which could heal him in no time. It's not! Honestly, maybe there's no need for such a word at all.
=X after first aid, you said it a few times more (knowing it's not gonna help, but still tried) before leaving him in the hands of a real St John. Right. And even by the time you reached home, the guilt was still there.
So, "sorry" really has no value at all. It's so overly-used, that many just said it without really meaning it. A formality as i earlier mentioned. And by the time you really need to use it, it becomes nothing but a need and no matter how many times you say it, or how much you really mean it, it always comes out as a word without much sincerity. And the saddest thing is, there's no way about this at all.
So even if this entry is completely senseless to you, and i have wasted your time... you know what i will say and can only say..
"Sorry."
time: 8:41 PM
the end of the thread...;
Say fears. Are we really born with fears like hydrophobia? Or dead scared of heights? Creepy-crawlies...? Err.. eyeballs?
Why are there some who are fearless of water, while others are afraid of drowning when they are 100m away from the coastline?
Maybe they are born with such "natural" fears.
Or maybe, there's this pyschological thing at play, making one thinking he's really afraid of that-certain-thing? Experts say the mind plays a big part in fears, but who are humans to study humans?
Maybe, they have convinced themselves... that they are frighten of water. Of heights. Of spiders. Of eyeballs. [let's leave the experts to their own debates] But is it really possible that we are able to do so?
Something apparently unreal and imaginery... we believe so hard in it, so much in it, that eventually, we believe it's real. It's not a dream. It exists.
So, if an Anti-loveist meets his opposite, who can say again, that one party is correct while the other is a fool? Honestly, who are humans to study humans?
Boy A who believes so hard in love, so much in love, eventually convinces himself that love does exist, even if there are millions of broken-hearted couples out there. Divorced couples.
Boy B who believes so hard in no-love, so much in no-love, eventually convinces himself as well, that love does not exist, even if there are millions of happy couples out there. Happily-ever-after couples out there.
We're not debating if love does or does not exist. But questioning our own belief: can it be trusted? Are we right? Can we be right? What if it's wrong?
Then again, when a belief is so hard, and so much, there will not be any "what ifs" or any questionings at all. Because, we believe.
Still, no matter how hard, how much you believe in it... you are not entirely immune from the ouside world's opinions, comments, their own beliefs, that nevertheless so shake your belief and you have to question yourself.
Honestly, can we really believe in one thing for so long, that it lasts for a lifetime? So hard, so much. Can we?
No questions are stupid. Because it always leads you somewhere. To new realizations, and breakthroughs. But what if, when you question your own belief... your question leads you to an answer which simply but crudely says: WRONG BELIEF?
It's inevitable. At some point of time, you have to stop and think. And question. Your surroundings. The environment. Everything. Stop. Think. Question.
Eventually, you ask yourself the question: Is my belief wrong?
And after really thinking through alas, (or maybe not) revelation.
It's wrong after all.
And now, how are you going to move on? A new belief? But beliefs have just proven themselves to be unreliable. To trust them or not to?
So I ask myself here,
What if Boy B is wrong?
time: 10:20 PM
the end of the thread...;